Unsatisfaction

Written: October 23, 2008

Well, first of all it's been a long time since I write a random blog. I've been too busy with "Mandy's Blog", my 9th A&B Fanfiction, and packing up because on November 1 (if you didn't know it's a rescheduled moving date if you read "Moving 2 California.....again" blog, before "Mandy's Blog" Began.). Well, to tell you the truth, I am pretty much happy that I am. Because I'm gonna be close, and it's gonna benefit me when it comes to school and other stuff. Mexicali is CRAP.

Another thing...I don't know why I feel ignored when it comes to talking to a group of people. I had that same experience just now when I was with Adam and his buddies on ventrilo. It's a confusing feeling that doesn't want to go away. I could be shy still and still don't want to get out of my nutshell. But then, there are times that I just leave the group without telling them goodbye, or tell Adam I love you, because they may not hear me. Other times, I say hi, then I step off for a little bit, and the next thing you know, they're gone. I leave myself wondering why or where did they go. Sometimes my heart is just screaming "I'M HERE!!!" when for them, I'm not. I'm starting to feel invisible here, and you know how I am. If I was mad, I would let the person I'm mad with figure out why I'm mad or who I am mad with. I don't know who or why I am so mad, or dissatisfied. I need to figure this out myself.

I don't want to end this now. I don't want everything to go down the drain. I want this confusing feeling to go away. I don't want to be mad at everything. I don't want to lose Adam.

I just don't feel like myself anymore. Watching Secretos Del Alma my new favorite show lets me get away with everything. I know I can beat this feeling, but sometimes I'm afraid that someone I know will find out. I'm just mysterious that's all. That's how I am.

I guess you could say I'm a heroine who needs help, but I know I can beat this feeling and get back up again.

I hope I don't offend anybody who read this. This actually came from my heart.